Does Having Kids Hold Back Your Career

A friend of mine Vannesa Joy posted earier this week about the being a working woman and how starting a family is hard. First read her post HERE. I quickly answered with this. “You know my thoughts. I started my business 6 years ago and then another business 3 years later…. And I have two kids, 6 and 2. So can it be done? YES! Women should not have to, nor should they give up their dreams and professional careers for kids and vice versa. Do not give up not having a family for your career! There is a happiness with both. Always easy? Um no… But to me it is perfect!”

I feel like I should elaborate more because although I fully stand by my statement, there is also a true struggle that women (and men) face. However, not to many women talk about it . I do not feel like it is as easy as my answer that I stated above. I feel like I need to answer this more completely.

If you are a woman that owns your own business this can be tough. There is no maternity leave. There is no one that will be taking over your role in your company while your are taking care of a newborn, getting no sleep, and hormones that are imbalanced. Does life go back to normal? There is no more “normal”, there is no more of “your schedule”. I see many women in our industry and in other industries that have a child and have a hard time switching gears and getting back into “work mode”. I also know many women that have closed the doors of their business because they could not balance it all or they felt like the should stay home and be with the kids more. Recently while speaking at Shutterfest I taught a class specifically for Moms and work life balance. Balancing a business and a family is no joke folks. It is tough. I had many women pull me to the side, email me, or talk in private and even cry because they came to Shutterfest as their last “hope” to give photography a shot. This cuts at me to the core because I know their struggles first hand. My business is extension of me and I have literally sat wheeping early in my career trying to figure it out and how to balance it all. There were many times that I debated on giving up not because I wanted to but because there is this constant Mom guilt of not being home enough. Running a profitable small business is hard… especially if you are a photographer in a market that is swarmed with so many other photographers. Solid business practices are essential to staying in business.

Let me give you a short back story. I feel like Vanessa and myself are actually a lot of alike. Career driven, goal oriented, and not necessarily in it for the “money” but because it is something that we truly enjoy and it feeds are inner happiness. If there is one thing I now know it is that I NEED to work. I need my own goals, my own projects, my own dreams to chase towards. I am a better Mom, a better wife, a happir person, I am ME when I do this. This I know and during those moments of weakness and wanting to give up I had someone to push me. Someone to tell me to keep going and that tomorrow you will be a better day. For me I had my husband’s full support and I cannot thank him enough or tell him how much that means to me. He knew me better than I knew myself.

Had my life panned out differently and had we not had the major scares and set backs that we did I can see myself asking these same questions Vanessa is asking. I can see myself scared to start a family due to career setbacks. Some people were acting like they did not understand her struggles… “that family means everything.” I agree that once you have kids it changes your perspective on everything but I also know deep down the struggles Vanessa faces because I have faced them too.

If you have not seen my story you can watch it here.

When we had my first son Roman it was a bit of a surprise. Not even a year earlier my husband had a brain hemorrhage and here I was young, pregnant, and scared to death. This news also came during a year of depression and tragedy and the thought of something good happening gave us both something to look forward to. It was just meant to be. I was venturing into parenthood with no idea how to be a Mom (not sure I still do) and at the time I did NOT have my own small business. I actually officially started my business in 2009 when my son was 1 year old. So where most women start their careers first and then start a family I was doing the opposite. I was starting a family and a career at the same time. Hands down the hardest thing I have ever done. Oh yeah and then 2 years later in 2011 I started another company Fisheye Connect . You know just in case I wasn’t crazy enough. 😉

My first son was a surprise, had it not been that way I can see myself still putting off having a family for my career. The biggest change in my opinion is going from husband and wife to a family with kids. My second son I had to do fertility and yes I planned it around the wedding season. Our first round of fertility worked and he was due in January. I shot a wedding 8 months pregnant and took my last two months of shooting off. Did my photography business see the effects of having a baby? Yes, but again I had to be okay with that. Having a photography business is probably 20% shooting and the rest is business. Please note I ALSO had another business that required my attention and I did not have the means to hire someone while I was out on maternity leave. I literally answered emails for Fisheye and my own business while I was in the hospital having August, my second son.

So now that I have said all that let me answer the question….. “Does Having Kids Hold Back Your Career.” Would my businesses be further along had I not had kids? Would I be making more money? Would I be checking off more things off my goal list? The answer from a business perspective I think, is yes. You do not have 60 hours a week to work. You have to figure out how to work a 60 hour work week in 30 hours. You have to be efficient. Now let me say this… my business growth with numbers might be further along but I can assure I would not change a thing. I am the person I am today because of the hard times we went through. I am a Mom, so I set my businesses up the way they are to be productive. Having kids and the scares that we have had with blood clots and brain hemorrhages has also allowed me to see this…. that life is short and I feel like life is not measured in business growth or profits, but rather on the relationships that we have in our lives and me being a Mom is my greatest challenge and also my greatest reward.

There is nothing sweeter than my wild man August saying “wuv uw Mom” or when I lay him down at night “I wock you Mom” with him wanting me to rock him. Or seeing my older son hit the baseball and light up with excitement. No business success can touch it. So when I say, women should not have to, nor should they give up their dreams and professional careers for kids and vice versa, I mean it! Yes, my business is not where it “could” be but I am okay with that. It might take me a little longer to get me where I need to be professionally but I am Kristy not only because of my kids but also because of my work…. if that makes sense. I also feel like it has lead me down this path of teaching work life balance and how to still have a successful business and a personal life. For me happiness is that mix of working for myself, working hard for goals, being a Mom, and having a social life in the community.

When I say I hear Vanessa’s struggle, I am still experiencing it first hand . My husband HAS BEEN wanting a third child and for me being the woman that is also career driven I ask myself can I do it. Would three be stretching myself too thin? Do I have the time to give or would it pull from the other kids? Would it pull from my business? Sounds selfish doesn’t it? Well it is true.

I would have to do fertility again IF we did decide to try for a third I have would map it out multiple times. I would have to see where it falls in “shooting season” and now that I am wanting to help other photographers balance home and personal life, I would have to map it out for speaking season as well. For someone like Vanessa, speaking season is her down time for shooting season and vice versa. In order to have a family or in my case have another child something would have to give. So I hear her. I also feel like I have learned A LOT from the mistakes I have made and if we have another child I know when to say no and when to ask for help. I feel like now I know me.

Speaking from experience, if you are a parent (or thinking about starting a family) and own a small business these things are essential to be able to do both. Is it easy? No, but when I say for me it is perfect, I mean it. Photography has breathed life into me and given me this life and I am thankful for it all, both in my business and family.

There is not question this is what you will need:
– Automate your business. Have people or a system in place that will automate your business. Outsourcing services such as album design, editing, accounting. etc. Do not try to do everything. This is something I had to learn. I can be a control freak so delegating was hard for me but something you have to do.
– Support System. I could not do what I do or travel without having my husband and family as a support system. My husband used to travel with me but now with two kids and their schedules being robust it is easier for me to travel solo while my husband holds down the home front. My husband sold his business a little over a year ago. He built his business before having kids and sold it and it has given me this opportunity to chase my dreams. He is back in college, but his schedule is pretty flexible which has been a huge blessing for me. We also moved back “home”. I moved close to my family and I cannot even say how huge this is. Support systems also mean other photographers. If something happened and I could not be somewhere, having someone that I can call at the drop of the hat to do my job is huge. Really everyone should have this!
– Efficiency- I have to work a 60 hour work week in 30 hours. That means waking up at 5am, having a set schedule, being focused both on a daily basis and in my business direction.
– Self Driven- What does this mean… you are okay with waking up early and working hard. You will never stop learning and trying to improve your business. Nothing in life comes easy. Having a successful business and a family is tough and you have to be up for that challenge and be ready to push forward even when you want to grab a pint of ice cream and hide under the covers…. not that I have ever done that or anything 🙂

Women should be celebrated more. They should be allowed to work without society thinking that they should be home with their kids. More importantly women should have the ability to make their choices without being judged because at the end of the day the decisions that are made affect them and their loved ones. I also feel women should not have to give up on dreams for a family. I want my kids to see me work. I want them to see how their Dad supports me and how it makes me happy. I want them to understand the value of hard work just like both of my parents did and they taught me. Both of my parents own small businesses (and still do) and built the life we had on literally rolling their sleeves up and getting dirty… good ole’ hard work. Growing up I did not understand why they did not work corporate jobs and check out at the end of the day. Now, being a Mom and a small business owner myself…. I am thankful for what they taught me. I think my short answer did not do it justice.

Last week we slipped away to Rosemary Beach for a little R and R and I feel like the trip is the perfect thing to share to wrap up this post. To me…. this right here is the good stuff in life. This is the ONE family photo we got while out of town…. picking and choosing my battles. 🙂

This is what Roman did the entire time!!!

He loved it!

And I mean the water…. the weather…. was PERFECT!

We built sandcastles.

August played and played hard as well.

Jeremy is going to kill me for this picture. August feel asleep on the beach and Jeremy was holding him and clearly blocking himself from the sun. I don’t care if he hates this picture… I want to remember this moment and what a good daddy he is.

And that sweet little face!

Roman lost another tooth while at the beach! Number 7 already.

He clearly has this boogy boarding down 🙂

Roman meet this little girl Liza that was also skipping school! 🙂 They had a blast together and all played so well!

Jeremy said Roman you found your first girlfriend at the beach….. his response. “Dad you are so weird.”

I look at this picture and I think maybe I can see three kids in our future… just maybe.

With all this being said…. For any parent balancing work and parenthood it is hard. But these moments and the moments that I have being a Mom far outweigh any career punch list of goals I could achieve with my career goals but instead of me being just being defined by being a Mom….. I am Kristy and being a Mom is only a portion of who I am. It is not easy and I don’t want anyone to think it is but it can be done!